I don’t usually start thinking about Lent until Fat Tuesday – it’s just so traumatizing to imagine all the things I could potentially give up for 40 days, like being pregnant all over again, except the days are weeks. But since it’s here, I guess I should get it over with.
Most years I hesitantly kiss goodbye something that I’m deliciously addicted to, like McDonalds or soda, because you know, I’m such a fat ass and all. As I try to determine what I will sacrifice this year, I’ve come up with quite a list of things I wish I could whack.
- The hot dog song – One of these days, that song is going to have me wandering the streets in my jammies, screaming in horror when I hear the word “hot dog.”
- Snoring – More specifically, my husband’s snoring. Unfortunately I think it’s illegal to stifle it with a pillow…on his face.
- Bad doggy breath – Enough said
- Cleaning – We’ve gone to the moon, created touch screen cells phones and cured fatal illnesses. Why the hell can’t someone come up with a way to eliminate dust…permanently?
- Paying bills – I keep marking them “return to sender,” but apparently the electric company has no sense of humor.
- Mondays – Since I change diapers all week, I put my husband on diaper duty during the weekend, making Mondays especially miserable for me.
- Wine – Just kidding, honey! I wouldn’t do that to my hubby. He’ll end up wandering the streets in his jammies, crying anytime someone mentions “wife.”
- Calorie counting – Better yet, as long as I’m wishing, let’s change this one to calories. Period.
- Justin Bieber – That kid and his stupid haircut are everywhere and frankly, guys should never, ever wear skinny jeans. Ever.
- Cold, rainy weather – I’m so anxious for spring. I’d love a permanent spring…or fall. I’m not picky.
The list could go on and on I’m sure, but you’ll have to excuse me while I go hose off the kid and Febreze the dog’s mouth.
What could you do without for 40 days?