This past Christmas, I wrote a nice letter to Santa with my very modest wish list (you might have seen it on my personal blog). No matter how many times I had thought my head was gonna explode, I allowed the diva to watch Mickey Mouse. No matter how many times the dog slobbered all over the floor, I resisted the temptation to put him in the front yard with a “free” sign around his neck. And no matter how many times I really could’ve used a margarita, I’d remind myself that although it’s 5:00 somewhere, it’s only 10 a.m. here. As you can clearly see, I had been such a good girl last year and was hoping for a little reprieve. But, lo and behold, that fat bastard didn’t come through for me. So here is my (slightly modified) Christmas wish list that I’m hoping will be fulfilled on Mother’s Day (take note Papa Don’t Preach!).
- A whole day without stepping on a cheerio, wiping milk off the couch or cleaning up dog slobber.
- To not hear “no” when I say things like “eat your dinner,” “let’s brush your teeth,” or “nap time.”
- Quicker, more graceful reflexes so I can for once stop the diva from performing acrobatics on the couch, without breaking my toes on the coffee table.
- An instantaneous potty training program.
- For the diva to understand that an appropriate response to “no climbing in the windowsill” is not fake crying.
- A time machine so I can kick Eric Carle’s ass right after he wrote Brown Bear, Brown Bear.
- A day without smelling cheese, bad doggy breath or poo.
- To not have to pull paper, cords or a piece of “eww, what is that?!” out of the diva’s mouth.
- The ability to read minds so I can finally figure out what the diva wants when she points at the floor and screams.
- To not have to wipe markers and paint off the floor, walls and cat.
What’s on your Mother’s Day wish list?
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