The diva and I struggle with a serious language barrier. She is screaming at me trying to get me to do what she wants. Sometimes I have no clue what she is wailing for and other times, I’m trying to explain to her why painting the cat is not nice. It really is the most frustrating thing ever.
I might as well be talking to a wall because she’s fluent in toddler-ese, not English. Sure, at 21-months-old she knows a lot of words and is very smart, if I do say so myself, but explaining things to a 21-month-old is futile. The following are 10 things I wish I could help her understand.
- I don’t speak “screaming.” Use your words. Or be quiet. Or whatever.
- One day you will wish you could nap. Enjoy it now.
- I only have 2 hands. I’m sorry.
- After awhile Mickey Mouse Clubhouse makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pen.
- It’s really sweet that you want to share, but it’s getting harder and harder to choke down soggy Cheerios.
- Two comes after one. One…two. Not one, three. And while we’re talking about numbers, you are one, not three. It’s too early to start lying about your age.
- Diaper changing would take 20 seconds if you didn’t scream and squirm like a hyena on speed.
- Climbing is dangerous, especially for momma’s sanity.
- The cat runs from you because you chase after her with “zombie arms” yelling “teeteee!”
- “No” isn’t the answer to every question ever.
What would you like to be able to explain to your kids?