I’ve Created a Cookie Monster

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I’ve created a cookie monster, people! And not the cute little blue monster with big doe eyes who can’t say anything except “cookie?!” but rather a 2 1/2 foot tall, equally adorable monster with a devilish grin.

This is how it all went down. Because we’re an incredibly boring couple parents now, our Saturday nights usually consist of gluttonous TV watching marathons. While our still-childless friends are in dusky bars having actual adult conversations about politics and what not, sipping on drinks that contain an umbrella and liquors I can’t pronounce, we’re watching yet another Mickey Mouse Clubhouse plotting ways to wear the diva out faster.

This Saturday was no exception. We decided to shake things up a bit by renting a movie and baking cookies – as if a fall festival, pony rides, the screaming-kids-filled park, and the funnel-cake-induced diarrhea that ensued wasn’t enough. Since I’m appallingly lazy a busy momma, I sent the hubby to the store for those pre-packaged cookies that you just plop onto a baking sheet and toss into the oven (you don’t even have to roll them into balls, people!). You know the ones that even though they taste a little like chocolate-covered feet (don’t ask, just go with it), you still happily shove handfuls of into your chubby cheeks. So we settled in for the Lorax and a few baking cookies to cover up the diarrhea smell that lingered in the house.

I’m pretty sure the diva has had cookies before (It’s hard to say since I keep junk food out of our house now that my ever-expanding ass bumps into furniture that hasn’t moved in years). Regardless, since the diva is now 2 and has stopped eating random things off the floor (well, not as much as she used to), she has developed a more refined palate for sophisticated fare, like hot dogs and mac and cheee. This time, when she bit into that cookie, she was hooked.

Ever since that fateful night, we have intelligent conversations that go a little something like this.

Me: Here’s your breakfast sweetheart.

Her: Take ma brek-fess awaaaay.

Me: What’s wrong honey?

Her: I want cookie chocolate!

Or this

Me: How about chicken for dinner?

Her: How bout hot dog mac cheeee!

Me: No, we’re gonna have chicken.

Her: I want hot dog! I want I want I cookie chocolate for dinder!

Or this

Me: Why are you crying?

Her: I bump ma head!

Me: What? When?

Her: *sobs* I need cookie chocolate!

Of course being the responsible parent I am, the first answer is always no. But once she says “pweeese,” gives me that sheepish smile and bats those long eyelashes, I usually crack like the top of the overdone cookies. Don’t judge me. She inherited these incredibly long eyelashes from her dad (this also explains the wedding ring on my finger). They’re like butterflies that could hypnotize you into happily handing over all your cash to a robber while asking if they need a ride out of town.

So now I have a cookie monster on my hands. She wants “cookies chocolate” for breakfast, lunch, dinner and imaginary head bumps. And don’t be deceived into thinking that a cookie will get you a moment of peace and quiet either. As with all addicts, as soon as their drug of choice starts to dwindle (in this case, the cookie they’re chomping on gets smaller and smaller), they’ll be screaming “more cookie chocolate pweeeese, more cookie chocolate, pweeeese” between mouthfuls of dry cookie crumbs and mushy chocolate chips. Trust me. It’s not pretty, people.

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  1. I feel you on this – my kids are “SNACK-LOVERS” drives me nuts! We have gotten to a point that we have a snack bowl they can choose from ONLY after dinner! LOL

  2. Aw…she SO cute though! It would be a tough tough fight not to give in! 🙂

  3. She is so adorable! I love the sample conversations. Mason just says “cookie cookie” over and over again. and he has only had animal crackers…I am scared of what will happen if he eats a real cookie. Great post…this made me laugh out loud!

  4. she’s gorgeous! how can you say no?LOL

  5. Not only cookies, but “choklet”…and he *knows* where it’s kept and will bring his potty chair into the kitchen, stand on top of it, and try & reach for them…sigh!!! 🙂

  6. I am absolutely dying over your description of how Saturday night go down! Completely the same, sad, Mickey-Mouse filled story around here!

  7. LOL! I’m dealing with the same thing with my boy.

  8. hilarious post. Your daughter is adorable. Don’t feel bad I give in to my kids way too much. They give you that cute smile its hard to resist

  9. How absolutely adorable is she? I’d give her a cookie chocolate pweese! lol My kids love them too!

  10. How cute is she?! I am a cookie lover too, so I can totally relate!

  11. Danyelle Franciosa says:

    Sounds like she wants her whole lie a chocolate cookie! Maybe she can’t live without cookies. By the way she looks cute and adorable. love it.

  12. Awww soo cute! My boys are cookie monsters too!!

  13. Too cute! I think my son is addicted to snacks. He always wants “something to eat” and when he says that he usually means something sweet.

  14. Too cute! We made the mistake one day of getting a cookie for my son at the local Publix Grocery store… for a while, afterwards if the bakery wasn’t our first stop he’d throw a hissy fit… not fun… he’d also cry if we drove past the Publix without stopping… but at least he was in the car and I didn’t have little old ladies staring at me like I was beating my child… so I could say no on that one…

  15. That’s SO super cute! My kids do the same thing but I’m an asshole and I just tell them no. When they start crying I tell them to go cry where I can’t hear them and that they can’t have cookies for a week. HA!

  16. I get so much crap over what I let Abby eat, lol.

    She’ll play in the yard for days without ever coming in if I let her… So after the 27th time of asking her to come in, I’ll say, “Abby, want to get a piece of caaaaaaaaandy?” Works like a charm every time 🙂

  17. Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

    haha! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who gives in!

  18. Mom, don’t you know chocolate cookies are the solution for EVERY THING. I can’t argue with her logic on this one 😉

  19. LOL <3 it!!!

  20. LOL. I wouldn’t be able to say no to those requests either. Since I’m a bit of a cookie monster myself, I can tell you that when you want a “cookie chocolate”, you have to have a “cookie chocolate”.

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