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By the time she realized what was wrong, she was already in the depths of it. She was living her own personal hell. What started out as attempt to keep her daughter safe had spiraled into an agonizing nightmare that is beyond words – postpartum OCD, the lesser known and most misunderstood of all postpartum mood disorders.

Initially, even her doctor had written off her fears as normal first time mom feelings. Her OB did the same. Each therapist talked about anxiety and breathing exercises. It wasn’t anxiety – it was an intense FEAR. Fear of germs, fear of SIDS, fear of losing everything that meant anything to her … complete and debilitating fear.

One day, she met a woman online who was struggling with some of the same issues. Like a beacon of light in her darkest time, Cate understood her. She talked to her daily, always there to encourage her. At Cate and her husband’s urging, she was able to get the courage that led to that fateful day when she sat sobbing in her doctor’s office. He prescribed a very low dose of medicine – too low. She would call his office crying and begging for a higher dose. Every second was excruciating.

Looking in the mirror, she did not recognize herself. A woman shattered.

It’s still so hard to believe that woman was me.

To be continued…




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  1. My teenage son has been diagnosed with OCD. It manifests itself differently, but I can understand the panic and fear it can evoke. I hope you can find the help you need. For my son, finding the right meds and therapist made all the difference. It will get better.

    (visiting via PYHO)

    • Momma on the Rocks momma on the rocks says:

      Thanks, Tara. I’m sorry to hear that your son has to battle this horrible disease. It’s always good to hear though when someone is getting the help they need to be happy. Not everyone is so fortunate.

  2. So sorry you went through this, but glad this will have a happier ending.

  3. You are so strong!! You are an amazing mom and person! So gald you are sharing your story and this is going to make moms suffering from the same thing feel less alone and hopeless. xoxoxoxo

  4. I would love to continue to read your journey through this! It’s amazing the things being a mother does to us…unlocking things we never knew could be us one day! For me…it is my ability to stay calm. With 3 kids now, I am soooo overwhelmed that when things go haywire, my first reaction is yelling! Can someone have OYD…lol..no but seriously…motherhood makes us feel crazy enough then add the world and all the crap in it and I don’t know how we do it!

    • Momma on the Rocks momma on the rocks says:

      No one ever tells you how crazy motherhood is, not that it would even be describable to a naive, childless person. But so very worth it.

  5. im so glad you wrote about this. its important to share, and youre being very brave.

    a few years ago, i wouldnt understand OCD. It wasnt part of my post partum experience. but the stress and chaos of the last year of my marriage caused me to develop OCD. I understand the compulsion, and the continuing the compulsive behavior even through pain.

    Your story is important. Im sorry it has been part of your experience, but Im glad, in some way, that you understand an aspect of my life.

    • Momma on the Rocks momma on the rocks says:

      There does always seem to be a trigger. I know what triggered me and that I think the most frustrating thing is you never see it coming. hugs

  6. So touching! Wow…I can only imagine what you went through.

  7. I’m so sorry you are going through this but I agree with Frelle, it’s good that you can open up and find others who understands what you are going through. Sending you hugs!

  8. Thank God for the internet with these sorts of things. It’s the easiest way to see we are not alone.

    • Momma on the Rocks momma on the rocks says:

      I do wonder how many women suffer in silence because they don’t understand what’s wrong. It took me 7 or 8 months to get someone to figure out what was going on.

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