A WOMAN SHATTERED: PICKING UP THE PIECES

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Someone once told me that if you take something fragile and shatter it, even if you glue it back together, it will never be as beautiful.

I am not fragile.

I’ve traveled a long road to get to where I am today. Not the “life is a highway” kind of road, but a treacherous and winding road. I’ve fallen more times than I can count and have the emotional bumps and bruises to show for it. My marriage was shaken to it’s very core. Although most were understanding, some people couldn’t help but show their true colors with their lack of empathy – those relationships will never be the same.

There is hope. There is life after a postpartum illness. A beautiful life.

Maybe it won’t be entirely as it was before, but it will be even more glorious. You will wake up every day and be grateful that you were able to crawl out of the darkness and depths of a place so terrifying that most can’t even imagine it. You’ll laugh. You’ll breathe. You’ll begin to feel alive again. But you will never forget. And that inability to purge those memories is what will make your life so much more amazing. Stronger. More appreciative.

Some people have called me brave for stripping away the layers of pain to expose the rawness. I would call it desperate. It’s terrifying to expose your soul to the world, but too many women are suffering in silence just as I did. So if I can reassure one mother, save just one person by sharing my experience, then it’s all worth it.

If you’re crippled by anxiety or fear, so angry you want to scream, empty, sad, or just generally not feeling like yourself, tell someone. Anyone. Your husband. A friend. Your doctor. If they don’t listen, find someone who will. Postpartum illnesses are treatable and a lot more common than you know. Women have been shamed into feeling like bad mothers if things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies after the birth of a child, making them too afraid to talk about it.

I will not be silent.

Will you?

FAQs on postpartum illnesses

Other moms share their stories

My Story
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

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Comments

  1. Have been on anti-depressants now after both of my births and was the best decision I could have made. PPD is real and serious–thanks for sharing!

    • I just want to hug you right now. I went through an awful battle with PPD and I’m not completely out of the woods yet. I actually just posted today that I’m doing okay. I’m not in the dark place I was a year ago. It’s not easy, and it’s a long road, but it does get better. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      Me too! I only wish I hadn’t waited so long. But there is hope now. 🙂

  2. Thanks for sharing. It gives others that have post partum issues the courage to speak out. 🙂

  3. I will not be silent either! I am currently climbing my way out of a terrifying post partum depression!! With many doctors and therapists helping me! And, a fabulously supportive family and a great church family.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      Good for you, Caroline! That first step is the hardest. But it gets easier. I’m so glad that you have a solid support system. That’s so important.

  4. Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

    We are survivors mommas! Hugs to you all!

  5. I can relate too well! Thanks for putting my feelings into words! love you!

  6. So glad I clicked over from PYHO today. I’ve been there and your story sounds very similar to mine. Good for you for speaking out about it.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      Your post truly touched me. I think that’s what is hardest about this – we hold on to try to protect our children, but in reality, we have no control. I think once we realize that, it will get easier. hugs

  7. Thank you for sharing! I too suffered from PPD, My daughter Emma was born November 26, 2002 and on December 30, 2002 I lost my 3 year old son! That was almost 10 years ago. I have done a 360! We are warriors! xoxo

  8. I would never think of you as fragile. Incredibly strong instead.

  9. Thank you for sharing the ugly…and confirming that it can be better and beautiful on the other side.

  10. SO well written. So well worded. Good for you for being strong, standing strong and speaking out.

    PPD is no joke. No postpartum mood disorder is. Mental health takes over our lives – at any time – at all times. We need to point it out and share, and you’ve done that here. Thank you for doing so. And huge hugs to you for staying amazing and powerful.

  11. Just realized you’ve got a blog going. Read this and your links and saw myself through and through. As one of those you helped last year, I thank you. Sincerely.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      I’m so glad you are doing well, Shan! I lost your blog URL, but I’ll head over there now. *big big hugs*

  12. Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

    Such warm comments and loving support! I am truly touched. It’s hard to talk about this time in my life, but seeing all the women who have suffered or are suffering makes makes it worth it – just goes to show how strong us women truly are!

  13. I have been there. It took abuse and rape to wake me up and for me to leave the ex. It was a difficult road and I made mistakes, HOWEVER I came through it and bub is just fine!

  14. What a brave and wonderful thing to share your story! I know it will help many others who are suffering and looking for an understanding friend.

  15. OMG Amen! I hit rock bottom and it was a looong journey back up. Thank you for sharing and Happy SITS Day!

  16. Beautiful series. I am glad you found your way through and continued seeking help until you found what you needed. I can’t imagine going through what you did. A time you’ve looked forward to your whole life made dark through your illness. I’m so sorry.

    I have recurrent major depression. My husband has severe OCD. We’ve done the hunting for a therapist/help thing. It’s so tough. It takes everything you have just to ask for help once. To not find it and to keep asking requires great strength. I am proud of you.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I write about my struggles on my blog for many of the same reasons. If my story can help someone else, then it has value. I think everyone’s story is important.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      Oh it is SO hard to ask for help once. Doing it over and over takes amazing strength. Big hugs to you and your husband.

  17. {Melinda} This series is so good and necessary. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know it will be valuable for so many moms.

  18. Beautiful writing, from the heart and soul. At one point, we have all been there. Happy SITS Day.

  19. Just read through the whole series, am so glad that you have and are still coming through this experience. It seems you are now someone who can reach out and help others with similar trials. I’ve experienced my fair share of anxieties. I even have a prescription for an occasional pill that will help, but I have NEVER experienced it to this depth.

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      I definitely do try to help other women who are dealing. I’m not a doctor, just a woman who’s been there. I wish I could reach all the women who are struggling and help them. Too many doctors, like my own, aren’t educated enough about pospartum issues. It’s sad to think that people are suffering in silence.

  20. First of all, Happy SITS day!

    Thank you so much for sharing this. So many people struggle and it is so encouraging when people share their journey with others. Praying for you to keep on healing.

  21. First, Happy SITS day!! Second, thank you for sharing your story.

  22. I had postpartum with my daughter and (thought) it was bad. Then I had my son. That’s when I REALLY hit rock bottom–to the point that I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. It was the scariest time of my life. Although postpartum is supposed to last less than a year, my son is now 16 months old and I still do not know if I am out of the woods. But I am a million miles away from where I was when I was hospitalized and I am grateful for those people who had been down a similar path who were there for me. Speaking out is the first step to recovery, and being able to understand it is not your fault, and you are not crazy is so important too. Thank you for sharing your story. I got here from a link on Pinterest about how having toddlers is like being with a drunk person. Then I stumbled upon this post. I am glad I did. Thank you!

    • Momma on the Rocks Momma on the Rocks says:

      Thanks for stopping by. It is definitely so important to speak out. I think so many women area afraid to and that is why I had to speak up. So glad you are getting better and that you were able to get the help you needed. hugs

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